This time not about the food. Though it was a hard time for me and Benjamin during Christmas with food poisoning and how we have managed it, so maybe later about that.
Now. I just can't get it out of my head, the sentence that was told by one person during this Christmas time. ''He is a very good kid, doesn't disturb his parenst at all, just plays on his own''.
As a first time mum, I am shocked to hear this. Having read loads of books and articles about parenting, children psychology and hearing this... Well, probably shocked is too heavy word to use. I am sad to hear this from people I know. I am not talking about those parents, mentioned in the quote. I don't know the whole situation and how they raise their child. I want to write about that sentence and the meaning behind it.
Does it really mean that a good kid is the one who does not disturb his parents especially in an event or a gathering that you take him to? (this is where the person saw and decided that the kid is good). I mean, if the kid wants mum's or dad's attention and pulls their sleeves and asks to be held on the arms, is he a bad one?
Baaaah, it got me thinking and a bit angry that people think that way. All children are good, there is no doubt in that. What makes them exceptionally good or bad is your perception towards that. But if someone thinks that asking for parents' attention makes you a bad kid, then I am very sorry for that person's understanding as it must be hard to live and see so many bad children.
I want to refer to attachment parenting here. Maybe that particular kid is very independent as his age was around 2,5 years old, and he loves focusing on his games - bravo, I love when kids are so intensely focused on their activities. But what if the situation is that he grew up to be told not to disturb parents when they are around other people. Is that normal?
I have noticed my own behavior during this Christmas. We were sitting by the table and chatting with family about... probably nothing important that would change the world. And my baby was running around and kept asking me to lift him up, dragging me to show important things, wanting to sit on my lap and so on. And I caught myself lifting him up and loudly saying that ''baby please decide what you want, I can't keep on lifting you up''. OMG, I am very sorry! Of course I can, and I will. I don't know why I have said that. It sounds like a pure post soviet heritage as children would not matter, go and play, mummy is busy - talking about nothing.
Benni, my sun, I love when you disturb me (as you really don't) and show all the important things in the kitchen and bathroom. Please keep disturbing me and never doubt that you can not. Then we grow together.
Lets be disturbed by our children, they have something important to teach us.
Happy New Year!!!
xxx
